What's Your Story?
We hold the pen to craft a new narrative
What’s your story? What sits behind the curtain of titles, social media posts and calendars? Is it a story filled with intrigue and adventure? One that pulls you from your bed each morning, excited to turn the page, to dig into that next chapter? Is it a fairy tale? A Classic? Textbook? Suspense novel? Comic book? Is it heading for the best-seller list? The discount bin? Or perhaps you're thinking "Story? What story?" Our lives, while rarely storybook in nature, do compose a story. Our answer about our story provides both an understanding of our present and a peek into our future. And clearly, while our stories always involve a variety of contributing authors (parents, teachers, partners, managers and others), we are the primary author and editor. As such, we hold the pen of possibility, with the potential to change the narrative with four simple words. But first, let's take a closer look at the story concept.
"What's your story?" has become one of my favorite questions to ask when I’m in a setting with soon-to-be-friends. Tone is clearly key to the way in which this is asked, but when couched in kindness and genuine curiosity, it offers the recipient the opportunity to share their favorite version of their own story. Did you catch that? “Their favorite version of their own story.” We all write our life’s narrative. We decide how the story is interpreted… and told, not only to others but MUCH more importantly - to ourselves.
With this in mind, which version are you choosing to tell - not at a networking event or via social media - but to yourself - within the depths of your own heart? Which character do you play in the story? Are you the towns person, observing the adventure from the outside but never getting involved? Or maybe you’re playing the role of victim, held down by the villain and feeling like your only chance is if someone else comes on the scene to save you. Or maybe you choose to write your story from the perspective of the reluctant hero. You face down the monsters of your past and dragons of your present that exist for all of us, but choose to rise above at the critical moment to make a positive difference in this world.
For most, the narrative of either the towns person or the victim has become the default. They’d prefer to sit back and hope that some ONE – a politician, new lover, boss – or some THING – winning the lottery, finding the magic supplement – will rescue them. It’s not going to happen. Stop expecting someone or something to be our hero. Once we wake up to that reality, we can then change our narrative, re-cast ourselves in the story WE are writing, and take advantage of the four magical words mentioned previously. However, before we tap into those four words, we must first take a cue from Dr. Seuss's Horton.
The Who
On the fifteenth of May, in the jungle of Nool, in the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool... Horton - and Horton alone - tuned into the central component of any powerful narrative: the who. Get this one right - even if all those around you are missing it - and much of the rest of your story will fall right into place. Before venturing into the what, where, when, why and how elements of our story, clarifying the "Who" creates the keystone to the arch of life. Most of us hurriedly or mistakenly jump right into the "What" - setting goals and perhaps clarifying the "Why" behind those goals. We then align the where, when and how accordingly. Or, we allow managers, coaches, parents and others do this on our behalf, accepting the (comfortably familiar) script we're handed to then live out.
In contrast, a clear "who" - for better OR worse - determines the why, automates the what, and simplifies the where, when and how, but very few individuals make this connection. Even the brilliant Simon Sinek missed it by a few degrees, pointing us to the "why" as being the key first step, a step that is inherently defined by the "who." Our stubborn emphasis on the what and why distracts us from the true powerhouse of the story: the who. What and why focus on our activity, while the who is our very identity! At a simple level, the difference between activity ("I run 2-3 times/week") and identity ("I'm a runner") is mindblowingly different in terms of how it plays out in our story - and life! At a deeper level, a clear identity about who we are provides a crystal clear north star and focuses our movement forward. The clear identity sets the stage for what comes next.
Two and Four
The narrative-shifting quadrant of words noted earlier are a signal to the listener - and the writer! - an adventure is underway. These are edge of your seat words; something big is coming words; cue the soundtrack words. A new journey is about to begin. We lean in, wanting to be a part of that story. But before we can fully engage with those four words, we must first utter two others: The End. It's not easy closing a book to move on. It means letting go of old identities, long-held excuses, and lasting fears. But that's precisely where the magic begins.
If you’re not happy with the story you’ve been writing, let’s change that today. Prepare to start your new story by first closing the book on the story you’ve been writing up to this point, stating clearly and concisely those two words: The End. Doing so doesn't magically fix all the issues at hand but it does draw a line in the sand. It sends a message to the world - and most importantly ourselves - that we are actively and purposefully closing the book on our prior narrative and beginning anew. The music changes; the scene brightens ever so slightly; our senses heighten…
We are now ready for those four words provided by author Bruce Feiler, as we take pen in hand, turn to the first blank page of our awaiting magnum opus and "utter the most spellbinding, life-affirming words we can utter. The words that suggest a story is coming. Maybe even a fairy tale... Once upon a time.”
So let's pick up that pen, turn the page, and begin anew. Our story isn't written in stone. It starts fresh today, beginning with those four powerful words:
Once... upon... a time…