Hawk's Dilemma

When the heights once climbed no longer satisfy, where do we turn? A journey of self-discovery, purpose, and transformation

"I'm lost."

The internal struggle was a new feeling for Hawk. Ever since taking flight from the nest as a youngster, he'd been locked in on each progressively higher target. But that lifetime of soaring ever upward had fallen flat in recent years. The meaning was missing. The hunger that drew him out of the nest and into the adventure of the day? Absent. Then there were the physical changes. His flight speed, previously hitting 120 mph, was down. His eyesight, once 8x more acute than that of a human, remained sharp, yet diminished. But deep inside, Hawk knew those subtle physiological shifts were not the real issue.

"Our youngsters are grown and have established their own nests. My days have more flex but little purpose. I'm seemingly invisible to the snakes and pigeons who once revered me. I think I even saw them glancing my way and chuckling last week. Frankly, I don't blame them - I'm going through the motions."

For years, he'd longed for this day, when the pressures would lessen. He and Zephora would be done raising their little eyas, settle into an area where resources were no longer a daily stressor, and he'd have the time to fly freely, unencumbered by the long list of ongoing commitments and responsibilities that had long dominated his time. Now that day had arrived, but instead of fulfillment, Hawk found himself in a free-flowing fog. He'd always been the one with the answers, but this seemed different. It was less of a problem to be solved and more like kindling in need of a spark. As much as he hated to admit it, he was stuck. It was time to go see an old friend.

Straya and Hawk had grown up together on the outskirts of town. Hawk was in his late juvenile years when Straya's family brought the Aussie pup home. Too big for Hawk to carry off, but never quick enough to chase down the soaring bird of prey, they eventually forged a unique bond. Many years had passed, but Hawk had heard through the whispering winds that many of the transitioning high-flyers back home now viewed his old friend as a sort of sage; one who's questions, not answers, often revealed previously unseen upslopes of opportunity and fresh invitations to soar once again.

"My brother of the wind - so good to see you. What brings you back to the neighborhood?" greeted Straya as Hawk landed nearby.

"Hello, old friend. I've heard you're the resident sage hound these days. If you've got some time, I could use some guidance. I'm feeling stuck, out of sorts, and need some help - some real help."

"Sounds like life has been ruff. Sorry - couldn't resist a fav dad dog joke reference. Seriously though, what seems to be weighing you down? Is the family OK? Was your home destroyed by those storms? Are you sick?"

"Honestly, I guess that's part of the struggle. Life as a whole is generally pretty good. Oh sure - there are things I'd change, but the family is doing well. Zephora and I are adjusting the empty nest phase. We're fortunate with our health and we have the resources we need to do the things we want to do. But something's just... not right. All those years of preying to get here and now I'm struggling to answer the big question: What's Next?"

"Mmmmm."

"On one hand I feel guilty looking around and seeing others with clipped wings, or stuck in cages without the option to fly; some have even gone extinct! So what do I have to complain about?!? I'm grateful to be where I am... but at the same time, I'm confused about WHO I'm now supposed to be. Even before you and I first met, I had a clear identity: bird of prey! My purpose was inherent in my title. Now that identity feels like one big question mark."

"Are you troubled more about figuring out who others think you should be or clearly identifying who you were designed to be within this new phase of life?"

"... Hmmm... I mean... I've spent a lifetime soaring, picking off one target after another. The other hawks seemed to admire my results. The belly-crawlers and rodents had no choice but to respect me. I'll admit - that all felt pretty good. But I don't feel like I should need that anymore."

"You don't feel like you should?"

"I know where you're going with this, and as much as I'd like to suggest you're barking up the wrong tree, I think you may be onto something. That external feedback was important at the time, and while rationally I don't really crave it anymore, the 'feeling' will probably take some time to resolve. Just voicing it, admitting the reality of those changes out loud gives them less power over my thoughts. But still - if my prior identity is gone - even I'm ok with that shift, where does that leave me?"

"What if we shifted the question just a bit. Rather than focusing on "Who am I?" or "What should I be doing?" what if we explored a different path: "Who are you becoming?" I wonder if the gap - that hole you're sensing in your life at the moment - might actually be the space necessary to allow the new version of the Hawk I know to spread his wings?"

"Who am I becoming? Who am I becoming? That's a question I've never really considered. Although I've got to admit, when you asked it, my wings excitedly ruffled a bit. There's an energy inherent in it. It's a freeing, heart-expanding question... Becoming - the word produces images of the sun peeking over the horizon - open to and creating endless possibilities for the day. Simply asking myself that question gives me a sense of being a blank slate, ready for a fresh, new start. Who AM I becoming? Doggone it Straya - I love the question but at the same time, I have no idea where to start."

"It seems to me you already have, my friend... It seems you already have. But I hear you. You've always been one who loved to dig right in once you had a sense of where the bones were hidden. However, sometimes it can be valuable to look back before we step forward. If you're up for it, here are a couple questions that may be worth lingering on:

• What activities, expectations or habits - all of which may have served you well in the past - are no longer serving a necessary, or even valuable purpose?

• Looking back over your life, what pursuits or contributions were met with a full-hearted (vs. half-hearted) response deep inside of you?

"Hmmm... yes. Makes sense. I'll spend some time on those and see where they lead. Admittedly, I've always been so focused on what's ahead of me I could probably benefit from a little time reflecting on those a bit. Once I've taken a deeper dive looking back, any suggestions on potential next steps?"

"Sure. Just promise me you won't move ahead too quickly. Reflecting on who you've been - the real you up to this point - is important before turning toward the future vision. But yes - once you've invested the time to look back, that will set you up nicely to begin creating a clear vision going forward. Here are a few prompts to get you started in that direction:

• How do you picture the life of the version of Hawk who has clarified and then acted upon the prior questions?

• What does his day look like now that he's discarded prior baggage?

• Where does his full-hearted focus lead him to explore or step forward?

• How and with whom is he spending his time?

"I think I'm already starting to see that clearer vision. Thank you, friend. I know it'll take some time - I've seen enough from up there to know life changes don't happen overnight. One other question: How will I know when I've found that figurative upslope I've been missing?"

"You probably already know everything there is to know about upslopes, Hawk. How would you describe the sense of discovering an upslope?"

"Well, I suppose at first, upslopes are subtle - there's that feeling before the feeling. Then, as I lean into it, the feeling grows and I find myself climbing ever higher, effortlessly carried upward, with essentially no awareness of time, fully engrossed in that precise moment. It never gets old - even if I eventually will."

"I think you captured it better than I ever could, my friend... better than I ever could. That's precisely how you'll know."