Elvis, Whitney, Michael... and Us?
The anchor of addictions is easy to see in others. What about our own as we move through life's second half?
“The self is a possibility whose task it is to realize (consciously embrace) its true origin, nature and destiny.”
(Soren Kierkegaard, Sickness Unto Death - 1849)
Kierkegaard’s reference to a sickness unto death pointed to a disconnect between ourselves and our possibilities, internally resisting or externally blinded from fully embracing our identity, possibility and purpose. Perhaps we inherently understand the danger of living only at a surface level as we go through the motions of our daily routine. But what about those who do appear to have tapped that deeper well, only to be eventually pulled under by personal anchors of deception and addiction? How might their journey influence our own?
Elvis revolutionized music in the 50's. Jimi Hendrix lit the 60's on fire. Karen Carpenter encapsulated the 70's. The 80’s King of Pop Michael Jackson's Thriller remains the best-selling album of all time (and it’s not close!). Whitney Houston's breathtaking talent sparked a generation. These other-worldly talented and creative individuals seemingly had it all. And yet, none of them lived beyond 50, weighed down by anchors of addictions they couldn't seem to overcome. Hendrix died at 27, Carpenter 32, Elvis 42, Whitney 48, and Jackson 50. The world is grateful for the musical contributions their gifts brought while we simultaneously struggle to understand why?
Whitney's voice remains a lifelong favorite. As I watched a documentary sharing footage after the drugs and alcohol had melted the wings of the once-angelic voice, I couldn't help but wonder, once again, what could have been. How could someone so incredibly gifted, with every conceivable resource and opportunity, be pulled under by an anchor seemingly of their own choosing? We shake our heads, point our fingers, and whisper under our breath something along the lines of "I'd never let that happen. If I had a gift or opportunity like they did, I'd be different." But is that true? Frankly, I’m not so sure about the reality of such a claim. What if we take a moment to step back, shed the hypothetical "would we?" question and make it real: "Are we?" (Note: addictions are deeply complex. It’s not my intent to oversimplify but rather to encourage us to pick up the mirror).
I may not have Whitney's voice, Jimi's genius or the talent of Elvis and Michael, but I do have gifts - valuable gifts. I am surrounded by a world full of opportunity. I do have something meaningful to offer the world, if I don't hand control over to my own anchors. And the same is true of you.
It's easy as we move through life's 2nd half to step back. We've worked hard. We've put in the hours. Now it's someone else's turn. While we may not spend two weeks hidden away in a hotel room on a drug and alcohol binge, is our daily life creating (please take special note of that word) any different outcome from the pop stars who do? Comparing the addictions of the rich and famous to my own anchors may make me feel better, but is it genuinely honest? Or a personalized cover-up?
Our anchors in life's second half come in all shapes and sizes. Here are a few examples that may reveal some potential blind spots we may be consciously or unconsciously hiding:
It’s too late - Excusing ourselves from opening the gift due to time is common. After all, the runway of life is only so long, and our current age clearly won’t allow the plane to get in the air at this point, right? Wrong. This self-imposed anchor is generally a handy excuse or a confusion about lifespan. We assume lifespan headlines from our youth (70 years) still apply rather than recognizing that while there are never guarantees, if we hit 60 in good health, living beyond 90 is quite likely. Colonel Sanders started franchising KFC at 65. Ronald Reagan didn’t even get started in politics until 53. Henry Ford was born at a time when average lifespan was 39, yet didn’t start Ford Motor Company until age 40. The great artist “Grandma” Moses didn’t even take up painting until age 78! If you don’t want to take on a new adventure, that’s fine. But please - release the “it’s too late” anchor.
Television/social media - None of us need another lecture on this front, but there's little doubt these have risen to become the modern day drug of choice. Have either/both become some version of an anchor in my life?
Shadow commitments - "I would (step into that opportunity) but I might need to..." (fill in blank with various - often unlikely - possible future conflicts). Sure - saying "yes" to one thing means saying "no" to others, but today's anchor doesn't have to be permanent! If there's potential we'll be moving on to new waters in the future, that doesn't mean avoiding other stops along the way. Position your anchor accordingly (readily available and agreed-upon exit strategy) and it's easy to weigh anchor anytime!
Food and alcohol - Life's second half may involve more meals out, and greater scheduling freedom that can easily lead to more limited accountability related to an extra drink or two (or more), unfiltered snacking, or even the use of (for many, now legalized) drugs. Typed words from a guy you've never met are unlikely to move the dial with these powerful addictions, but perhaps your own reflection about their impact will.
Empty tank - We've discussed previously the research indicating a 1% per year reduction in physical strength & function, all things being equal (if we settle for the status quo). Are we content to have our physical capacity to contribute reduced 1%/year for the remainder of our years? To clarify, that means a not insignificant 30% less energy and function (in addition to other health issues, risk factors, fatigue and more) at age 70 compared to 40. If so, that's a notable anchor over which we hold notable influence.
Wrong anchor - It is easy to fill our time ("gotta stay busy!") while ignoring our hearts. As highlighted in this podcast episode, Clear Eyes... Full Hearts , meaningful impact results when we follow our clear vision and move into that vision, not half-hearted, but rather with a full heart.
Elvis, Jimi, Karen, Michael, Whitney. Depending on where you are in life's second half, memories of one or more of these incomparably gifted individuals holds a permanent place in your heart. Personally, I remember exactly where I was when Michael's Thriller video was released worldwide and I still get chills hearing Whitney's Star Spangled Banner at Super Bowl XXV.
The bright, yet far too brief, shooting star-like lives they lived takes us in one of two directions: sorrowful head shaking or an eye-opening, upward trending self-realization.
In our own unique way, I am Elvis, Whitney, and Jimi. And so are you. A gift has been placed in our hands... an opportunity has been revealed... it's up to us to free the anchors, release the gravitational pull of the status quo, and live the life we were intended to live. I'm not done yet, friends. How about you?
Enjoyed this Brad. When I think of anchors I think of anything that renders one stuck, powerless, or feeling or acting like a slave (with no choice). Life seems like a sequence of feeling stuck and working to get unstuck.